Canada's Highway is #1! - Article for The Country Register

The Dust And Dirt Column - As published in the April 2012 edition of the Country Register (Saskatchewan-Manitoba edition)

Canada’s Highway is #1!

As a traveler, the Trans Canada Highway is the route most will likely take as part of their journey.  Number 1, as area residents call it, is an integral part of any place I wish to drive, save for my own property. Well, there is the occasional summertime jaunt next door to neighboring campground’s convenience store, for that ever important ice cream cone!

This is an abbreviated rundown of stops potentially of interest to junkers, antiquers, history buffs, and others thus inclined, while travelling the eastern Saskatchewan/western Manitoba section of #1 from Whitewood, SK to Oak Lake, MB. Use it as a basic guide, and budget time for unplanned stops that make trips memorable! Small towns are full of them when you get looking and asking around!

Let's start at Whitewood, Saskatchewan, home of OLD GEO'S! This museum is entirely owned and operated by George Chopping himself!  George is an entertaining character,  and highly knowledgeable in many areas. I will leave your potential experience at this roadside attraction an intriguing mystery.  Look for Ol’George, usually sporting a beard, and long grey hair under a cowboy hat, to start your adventure!
If you have daylight left after spending the day wandering around Ol’ Geo’s, Moosomin is the next major town on the road. I have not had a chance time to check out their local sites in the last few years.  Make it a stop of discovery, and find its secrets on your own!

Eventually you will arrive at the village of Elkhorn, Manitoba.  Their Antique Auto Museum is a car buff’s drool-fest, featuring many classic, and early, ultra-rare vehicles.  Included under the same roof are other historical artifacts & oddities, including a two headed calf! As well, slip into  Elkhorn and check out "Past & Present Antiques & Gifts." Just the place for shoppers to get their fix!

Twenty minutes east, Virden holds sites including a restored railway station, now housing an art gallery & gift shop. Within a stone’s throw is a circa 1900 underground pedestrian tunnel! Make certain to see the Virden Pioneer Home Museum, plus arrange a tour of the historic Aud Theatre. Explore the town by car to discover many well preserved and restored field stone buildings, among other eye pleasing sights.  Treasure hunters/shoppers will want to stop at "Jam's Used Furniture" on Nelson Street. They carry an ever changing inventory of used furniture, some antique furniture, and a large section of mostly consigned antiques, collectibles and treasures of all sorts. Just across the street is the “Nearly New,” where you may find some good buys. Then, zip less than a block from there to Echo Books on 7^th Ave. Their inventory includes books (obviously!), vintage items, locally sourced crystals/stone, plus other oddities!

A ten minute drive east brings you to the Buzzing Bee Bed & Breakfast, as well as Fedora Antiques & Collectibles. Yes, our place! We hope to get the store (and a country flea market) open in early summer!
 I’ll conclude the list here, as I have tons of work to do before you arrive! As mentioned, this is an abbreviated  list, so my apologies to anyone along the route feeling left out. Know of a stop that fits a junker’s list of interests? Drop me a line!  Note that the editors do restrict my articles' lengths to only a small portion of a page...despite my ability to fill the entire paper!
Happy hunting, folks!

TEST TIME!

Ok, here is the test....all you have to do is choose which photo(s) is/are of REAL oak. Now, I have made this EASY. The photos are close-ups, and that should be the way you look at things before you believe what you are being told.....CLOSE-UP.

#1

#2

#3

#4

#5

#6

#7

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So, are you done yet?

Here are the answerS! 

All except #1 & #2 are real oak...and 3 to 7 are all actually FUMED OAK, also. The real deal.

#2 is FAKE oak....a ink printed grain stamped on to another wood(s). Many times these "fake oak" pieces are actually made of several types of wood, whatever was cheapest/available. Actually, most furniture has at least a couple different woods involved in the construction, but these "fake oak" items sometimes will have a few difference pieces of wood as part of one component....so stripping the "fake oak" stamped-on grain may result in a piece of furniture that will look goofy as heck if you go to stain & varnish it. Sometimes they will turn out ok looking. In these cases, the piece was likely varnished before the fake grain was applied. However, some manunfacturers did not varnish the piece prior to stamping on the grain, so upon stripping the piece you will end up with a ghostly, grey/black inked image of the printed grain, soaked deep into the wood. Get the paint out, because that is now the only way you can make the thing salable.

I see so,me of you are still looking back at some of the pictures, muttering in indignation.
So, if you haven;t figured out the odd color/style of #6 & #7, I will clarify something about those two. Including these two was a bit of a trick on my part. Some eagle eyed pros might have noticed why I included them, but I will still explain for those who are looking stupified.

 They are close-ups of a "grain painted" cupboard I have. The bottom half of the cupboard started out life as a fumed oak piece (a buffet more than likely.) However, a previous owner repurposed it earlier in its life, building a cabinet to sit on top, likely in the 1920s or 30s, to create a kitchen cabinet.  They then grain painted the whole thing to match.

 "Grain painting" is a technique of applying paints/varnish to create a faux woodgrain. It is indeed fumed oak underneath the painted finish, and you can tell that by the one photo where there is wear from handling over 80 years.  This piece is worth more as a complete cabinet, than trying to rescue the buffet portion. It is very country, folky and primitive.

It is one of the few types of "frankenstein" pieces that is actually worth more than the original item. No, no, Igor isn't anywhere around....By "frankenstein" I mean that it is made of more than one piece of furniture, and is not anywhere  near original. It has been heavily modified or "has been screwed with" (a phrase which I personally prefer!)

Now, if you picked #1 as real oak....

*****BBBZZZZTTTTTTTTTT*****

Wrong! It is a 1980s era piece of junk, that uses printed paper applied over sawdust board....now where did I put that dunce cap.....

#2 is the FAKE oak. I have heard it called "stamped oak", "painted oak", "printed oak", "grained oak", among others...all basically legitimate terms, but can be deceiving/confusing to the unaware....sort of like Ricardo's Chrysler Cordoba's Soft Corinthian Leather.

Oh, wait, you didn't know?

*sigh*....Ok, for those of you who still are confused....Mr Montalban's car's quality leather is actually VINYL.

And if you don't know who Ricardo Montalban is...well, you are just too young.....hey, wait, what was that????

Hmmm, weird, I must be hearing things....Have banged my head on too many beams in attics....

Now, while the under 25 crowd is confused, and hitting Google and Wikipedia, we'll continue...

Number 5 is sort of a trick one, also.

It is fumed oak VENEER. Real, fumed, oak...but only a thin layer of it.  In this case it is actually been applied to oak boards, but sometimes is applied to other woods.

You should also take a close look at #7. You see, the fuming process only darkens the exposed grain. Goo deep enough (like the wear on this piece), and you have got regular old oak. SO, if you plan on refinishing a a fumed oak piece, do it with care...you CAN sand/scrap away the value! True fumed oak items tend to be worth more than the identical item made of un-fumed oak, so take it easy with that belt sander!!!

So, hope this lesson wasn't too dry for you, but, face it, if you didn't pick out the true oak pieces, you needed to read this!

And, if you picked all the right photos, well, you've won a trip to an beautiful island......

"Da Plane, Boss, Da Plane!"

The Small Print Of The Contract

So, why do I think you are not ready to sign my simple contract?

Well, as you can imagine, I go into/have been into TONS of antique shops of "knowledgeable" dealers and have attended/attend multitudes of auctions. Many (heck, MOST) of them were/are held by long time auctioneers, and some of them are 2^nd and 3^rd generation auctioneers.

 Sadly, way too many of them (including the 2^nd and 3^rd generation auctioneers) all too often have items mislabeled, misidentified, etc, and usually those terms and descriptions are what I have always felt are pretty basic terms and definitions.

Think of the things you learned in grade school, the first things you tend to remember learning. Might not be something you think of as a “building block,” but you do learn the definition of “CAT”, and those very important things like crayons, paper, paste, nor boogers are things that are acceptable culinary choices…at least not for public consumption, anyway.

  

 In my opinion, many commonly misused terms are “basics” that any intelligent person who has been in the “old junk business,” even for as little as a year, should get down pat quickly, even after handling only one or 2 pieces related to those terms.

The misuse of one term in particular has become a real pet peeve of mine. Plus, it drives me crazy that people can not figure out for themselves that they are misusing the term.

What is the term?

Fumed Oak.

Now, I admit, I misused it myself for the first number of months I was seriously buying items for resale. I tossed it around a bit, as it just seemed like a cool term! Sounded like I knew what I was talking about.

Little did I know, I was clueless!

However, the thing is, I learned right after I handled my first piece of  "fumed oak" that what I had was not fumed oak, and that what I had was essentially an early 1900s, Wal-Mart-esque piece of furniture. It was a compressed-crap-board entertainment center of the period, so to speak. Well, it was actually a 3 drawer dresser, but you get my point.

 Along with that knowledge I learned what fumed oak really was, and what it looked like.  For the life of me, I wish I could remember who set me right, or how I figured it out, but I can't. Must have bumped my head on too many low hanging pipes and attic rafters over the last 20+ years. 

They say memory is the first thing to go, but that is a good thing...then you can't remember what else has gone.

So, here are 3 important things about anything made of fumed oak:

#1  It is always made of OAK.  

Surprise, surprise, fumed oak is made of, omigawd, wait for it….OAK! Sufferin’ suckotash! Who woulda thunk it?!??

#2  Just because it is old, and it is made of oak, does NOT mean it is "fumed oak."

Less obvious, but stands to reason, no?

#3  Just because it looks like a dark, oak grain does not mean it is "fumed oak."

Ok, now, if you stumbled on number 3 and/or are a little confused, you need to read that closer.

Lemme help you...…I’ll set it up differently this time.

Fumed oak is always oak. Just because the piece has a black, oak-like grain does not mean it IS oak.

Still confused?

Ok, here is the scoop....and this scoop is sugar free.... and booger free, too!

Did you know that back in the early 1900s they made cheap, crappy furniture, too?

And they put a fake, wood grain on things that made them appear to be something they were not?

Kind of like that "oak" laminate flooring made of compressed moon dust or whatever that crap is (could be just that, actually….who knows the source...maybe horses, bulls, whatever). Yes, that “board” with a photograph (of real wood) that is glued on.  

Or think of that inch thick compressed sawdust board that was so popular in the 1960s, 1970s, 80s...oh heck, they still sell TONS of the stuff.  (You can usually date it by how easily it falls apart. If it was made last year, dropping it causes it to crumble into at least 20 pieces. If it only breaks in half, you likely have a 1970s piece! ) 

Yep, they did similar things over a hundred years ago.  

When money is involved, copies are always something that sell well to the masses who have no idea what "quality" looks like.  That is why people will buy some compressed-chemical-and-camel-crap piece of junk for $1500 in a furniture store and then poo-poo the quality, cabinet maker designed and hand built antique furniture in your shop.

Anyway, fumed oak has a dark grain.  We established that. And it really IS oak.

you see, to get a dark grain on oak you need either one of 2 things.

#1) Time. And lots of it. 

#2) Ammonia.

The grain of many woods will darken with time, and exposure to the air.

But, to replicate this darkening of the grain, you can also expose the wood to high levels of ammonia.

This is no longer something that is done:

(a) Safely on a large scale 

(b) Economically on a large scale.

Furniture makers and woodworkers who do single/small numbers of pieces, reproductions, repairs to antique furniture (etc) still will do this sort of thing on a very small scale, but it has essentially been long abandoned by furniture makers for over 80 (or more) years.

 However, during the late 1800s/early 1900s, true craftsmen like Gustav Stickley, and other furniture makers who made quality oak furniture (though of many of lesser quality than Stickley's work) did use this process to emphasize the quality of their pieces, an nod to the true antique oak furniture that was visibly dark, made that way by the passage of time, with its exposure to the air for 200 years or more. 

Stickley likely was the main influence of others when it came to the use of this chemical darkening of oak’s grain, but I will not get into history…this is just a touch on the background of the origin of the term.  Do some research if you want to know more of the history.

Google (or other search engines) will/can help you…but, be sure to read my next blog post before digging too deep, and absorbing too much of what is out there.

Why?

You might just be “learning” from someone’s writings who misuses the term FUMED OAK.

SO, Did you catch that veiled picker tip?

Here it is, spelled out:

Know what you are researching in the first place, so you can discard/ignore the misinformation you come across, instead of unknowingly spreading more misinformation.

Oh, and beware! In the next blog post you will have to take a TEST! Get out that bottle of hard stuff again!

A CONTRACT - The Terms

I have something that I guarantee will help you in your picking career!

There is a contract you will need to sign, however.

The general terms of the contract you will be signing is pretty basic…quite simple, actually.  Yep, very, very simple.

 I know, I know, you never knew that “contract” and “simple” are words that could be used without “not” or “never” stuck right out in front of the word “simple”.

Let’s just blame lawyers for that one.

Being a picker, I can not afford a lawyer, so I decided it was best to use the KISS principle to create this particular contract.

I have kept it to just one line.

Here it is:

I WILL ALWAYS GET MY TERMS STRAIGHT.

Ready to sign?

Are you SURE?

Well, frankly, due to the odds I have calculated over the years, I'm not so sure you are ready to sign. Forgive me if I am wrong in your individual case, but 99.9% of the population is not perfect. If someone can correct me (and back it up with fact, references, etc!) I will be the first to admit I am wrong. Usually when people obviously “know” what something is, and it is obvious they really want to show me their vast knowledge and intelligence, I just listen. 

Yes, those folks who say “Do you know what this is?” and it is SOOOOO obvious they are itching to tell you, and they look like they are ready to burst with their superior knowledge.

It is enjoyable to hear people ramble on about how “it is very rare, and this such and such is a such and such, and was used for this scientific, important, wonderful purpose!”

 I have long decided to just take silent pleasure in my accumulated knowledge, and I just nod and smile. I also try not to wince, nor close my eyes in disgust, when they put the item in their mouth and blow on it so you can get a visual as to how it was used.

Yes, I no longer bother to inform them that in actuality they are wrong. In some cases they are/it is oh so, so wrong…

Especially when they are holding what I will call one of “the business ends” that are found in an enema kit…

And DOUBLY-especially when the tone of the item isn’t exactly what I’d personally call “patina”…

But, then again, they are the “expert” after all…And, they are probably better off not knowing what the chunk of brown plastic they had their lips wrapped around was likely last up…and that the plastic thing is actually black, not the dark brown it is at the moment. 

I’ll let you chug back a few shots of whatever hard liquor is handy so you can get that image out of your mind, and I will go work on the next installment in this blog series!