Thursday, June 4, 2015

Picking A Relationship - The Facts.

I've neglected the blog these past few month, as "life" has been "happening".

"Bear" with me, I will explain (yes, I do that lots, I know...!)

Being a picker/dealer here in Manitoba is not an easy task...that is, IF you wish to make your living at it.

There are maybe a dozen people in the entire province who make here living on buying and selling antiques & collectibles.  Part of the reason is that out of the  population of 1.272 million people Manitoba holds, is that they are spread out over a substantial area, though most live in the bottom third portion of the province, and half of the entire province's population lives in the capital city of Winnipeg.

I reside 2.5 hour's drive from Winnipeg, currently.

I won't go through the soap opera that has been my life (saving that to fill up several chapters of my autobiography...), but the most recent "big" news is that I have become "single" once again.

This business is hard on relationships, pure and simple. Between differences in personalities, interests, and the fact a picker's life is lived part on the road, part submerged in junk (on the road and at home), among a host of other activities, we basically live and breath our business.

It is a passion, and sometimes it consumes us, or in the least temporarily submerges us once and awhile.

If your spouse/partner is of the same mindset, complimentary personality, you both communicate very well (even if it is with no one else than your partner!) , love history, see gold in all the old stuff, have respect for one another, and all that goes along with the "junk biz", then you might actually have a chance of being together for a long time.

But, people change, and sometimes those changes create rifts, goals shift, passion is diverted, etc.

I have seen many relationships split due to those sorts of changes. Marriages break up when one partner's interests change dramatically away from "old stuff."  Your partner's passion has changed from antiques to horses, and you have zero interest in equines?

Well, prep for a divorce in your future.

I am  not saying that if you partner does not live, breath and eat their dinner without attic dust sprinkled on it that your relationship is doomed.  Having a complementary personality, interests, etc can work, but communication, respect, understanding, and such things are key to keeping it working.

Maybe one spouse loves dealing with the public, selling, being a shopkeeper, while the other is the "digger" of the two who sources merchandise, does some restoration, etc.

 That sort of relationship can work well, too.

I won't go into any major details about my relationship, as my life is not being lived as a public figure; though I know that "public figures" tend to have private lives we never hear about, also, which is the way it should be...despite what we are lead to believe by the "car crash" type Reality TV shows. Also, my ex also deserves privacy.

We are not in a battle, nor at each other's throats, we just came to the realization that we are not meant to be together. We gave it a shot, about 8 years worth, and are intelligent enough to know when to call it quits. I am making it sound easy, but it was not a quick and easy decision.

It was the right decision for both of us, however.

Anyway, my chosen lifestyle was certainly part of the reason we have split,  but it is far from the whole "reason", as life is not so easily cut and dried. Let's consider the word "reason" just a container for what is in actuality a "package of reasons."

She likes old stuff, but not in the same ways I do, nor with the same type of passion I do. To her credit, despite her having pared down her belongings to very little, and pretty much having just become "minimalist" in her living style when we got together, she jumped back into the "junk biz", though only "knee deep", which I felt was adequate, and we started a life together.

These things are always a half and half; that is, as far as any "blame", responsibility or causation for things not working goes. In some cases the "blame" may lean more to one side than another, but it is almost always not 100% one partner's fault.

In our case, I view it as a 50/50 split. I try to take full responsibility for myself. I always learn from each relationship, and I learn more about myself all the time. I deal with what I can fix in myself. I then hope to find someone else who is at the same point in their lives as I am, post experience and repair.

OK, that is enough philosophy, "mushy", and heart tugging  stuff for one year, don't you think?

And now it is time to go....

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