Thursday, November 3, 2011

A CONTRACT - The Terms

I have something that I guarantee will help you in your picking career!

There is a contract you will need to sign, however.

The general terms of the contract you will be signing is pretty basic…quite simple, actually.  Yep, very, very simple.

 I know, I know, you never knew that “contract” and “simple” are words that could be used without “not” or “never” stuck right out in front of the word “simple”.

Let’s just blame lawyers for that one.

Being a picker, I can not afford a lawyer, so I decided it was best to use the KISS principle to create this particular contract.

I have kept it to just one line.

Here it is:


Ready to sign?

Are you SURE?

Well, frankly, due to the odds I have calculated over the years, I'm not so sure you are ready to sign. Forgive me if I am wrong in your individual case, but 99.9% of the population is not perfect. If someone can correct me (and back it up with fact, references, etc!) I will be the first to admit I am wrong. Usually when people obviously “know” what something is, and it is obvious they really want to show me their vast knowledge and intelligence, I just listen. 

Yes, those folks who say “Do you know what this is?” and it is SOOOOO obvious they are itching to tell you, and they look like they are ready to burst with their superior knowledge.

It is enjoyable to hear people ramble on about how “it is very rare, and this such and such is a such and such, and was used for this scientific, important, wonderful purpose!”

 I have long decided to just take silent pleasure in my accumulated knowledge, and I just nod and smile. I also try not to wince, nor close my eyes in disgust, when they put the item in their mouth and blow on it so you can get a visual as to how it was used.

Yes, I no longer bother to inform them that in actuality they are wrong. In some cases they are/it is oh so, so wrong…

Especially when they are holding what I will call one of “the business ends” that are found in an enema kit

And DOUBLY-especially when the tone of the item isn’t exactly what I’d personally call “patina”…

But, then again, they are the “expert” after all…And, they are probably better off not knowing what the chunk of brown plastic they had their lips wrapped around was likely last up…and that the plastic thing is actually black, not the dark brown it is at the moment. 

I’ll let you chug back a few shots of whatever hard liquor is handy so you can get that image out of your mind, and I will go work on the next installment in this blog series!

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